Open Question: Just realized how bad a situation I’m in, help.?

So, I've gone through life for the past 5-6 years not realizing how fucked up I was. I mean sure, I always kind of knew, but tonight it kind of came crashing down on me. There are various reasons, but those aren't really important now. I realized tonight that I care way to much about what other people think and how I come off. Too most people, I don't give a shit, but I'll pick a select number of people that I for some reason find appealing and really care about how they feel about me. It usually ends up driving them off or me never being friends with them. I almost live or die on whether they like me. When I first meet somebody that I think is cool I worry about if they like me or not for a week sometimes until I know that they do or don't. All of this causes me a great amount anxiety. It holds me back as a person and socially, and it makes it harder to be myself. I don't even know where it stems from. I also self-medicate like many other people with anxiety. My life just feels like a mess right now, and I need help with this. It feels like it's going to be so hard to come out of, but I know I have to. Realizing this sucked, but I think it will help me in the future. By the way, nobody knows I'm like this. I come off as a pretty confident kid and nobody at all knows I'm like this. I know this a long and sorry I sound like I'm whining, I just needed to get that down. HappyNpeaceful, thanks, your post helped a lot. And I self medicate with weed and as trivial as it sounds, the internet. Also I was bullied as a kid. I was overly sensitive. My "best friend" up until like 6th grade treated me like shit. I was never the best at sports and my dad always wanted me to play(I felt pressured, though he didn't try to pressure me). I always tried to and still do try to please people. Those are some possible reasons for why I'm like this. I've come along way from a lot of things and once I conquer this I feel like I'll be in a very good place. And mee, I'm mostly myself and I actually would consider myself a happy person. This is just something I have to overcome, but thanks anyway.

Tagged as: 6 Years, Anxiety, Being Friends, Best Friend, Confident Kid, Dad, Lot, Open Question, People, Reason, Self Medicate, Shit, Sports, Weed